Always round about my birthday, which helpfully increases the likelihood of getting Cake from my childer. Let us celebrate the relentless rise of The Dad Joke, a thing that didn't exist when my father was alive: so he developed his own style.
Pa: Apparently an actress just killed herself.
Ma: Oh my! Who!?
Pa: Dunno . . . I think her name was Reese something?
Pa: No, it was with a knife...
Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?"
I burst into tears. 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Bob.
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down!
I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you know.
A slice of apple pie is $2.50 in Jamaica and $3.00 in the Bahamas.
These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.
My friend keeps saying "cheer up man it could be worse,
you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water."
I know he means well.
Man at a funeral: "Can I say a word?"
Widow: "Thanks, that means a lot"
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom?
Because the pee is silent.
What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?
What's the best part about living in Switzerland?
I don't know, but the flag is a big plus.