Saturday 27 October 2018

Most people own a TV

We've never owned a television. Yes yes we know what they are! When I visit Pat the Salt I occasionally switch his TV on to see what happens. Answer is: not a lot in the evening; better in daytime with Antiques Roadshow and Pointless. Periodically, we get an official letter from An Post, the licencing authority, more or less accusing us of harbouring a fugitive television and once in 22 years an inspector has visited when we weren't at home. I hope s/he had a good poke around and peered in the windows to see if we had a television about the premises.  The traffic below shows that this wing of officialdom is not without a sense of humour.

From: Bob, 12 October 2011 13:33,
To: TV Licence
A chara,
The famous half-Chinese emigre Ho F Scientist, who, according to your records, is living at 03096443460 Co Carlow, resolved many years ago NEVER to own a television.  Accordingly there is not, nor ever has been, a television in our home. Each year we spend the 160 euros thus saved on books, which we read to each other in the evenings when we are not playing charades or knitting.

No answer. No manners!

From: Bob, 02 October 2014 19:57
To: TV Licence

Nothing Gay Byrne can say will persuade us that a TV is worth having. I would rather watch our front-loading washing machine - at least we choose what to put in that handy appliance.  Since you last contacted us three years ago we have completed seventeen sweaters for our friends and relations. Your inspector is welcome come visit; would s/he like a woolly hat?
pp Ho F Scientist

From: TV Licence 02 October 2014 19:57
To: Bob
Thank you for your email. We have now updated our records. Please feel free to send me a woolly hat to the address below (anything but pink).
Kind Regards,
Barra de Cnoc
Tv Licence Records Office, The Quay, Waterford

From: Bob, 19 October 2018 18:27
To: TV Licence
Dear old Barra and Co,
I can assure you that we don't have and never have had a TV in the house.  We did rent one for a year when we lived in England in the 1980s but the rays emanating from that instrument required me to wear a tin-foil hat or suffer from constant headaches. Is there anything good on the TV nowadays? I might be persuaded to spend the €160 as my fading eye-sight makes reading difficult. Then again, I do have my knitting. You didn't acknowledge receipt of the woolly hat in the Déise colours; was that a bad choice? Black & Amber?
Best wishes,
Bob "Headgear" Scientist

1 comment:

  1. The scourge of official Ireland Bob.. The black n Amber jib would have certainly rankled