Heels in the hunt

We have an election a week from today. In Ireland, certain categories of people are excluded from being candidates.

Otherwise there is low no bar. In Dau.I&II's constituency Gerry "The Monk" Hutch has returned from exile in Spain to run to represent His People. In 1995, we were living round the corner from Veronica Guerin when she was shot and wounded at her front door, the day after writing an article about the said same Mr Hutch. The following year Guerin was assassinated by a rival gang of hoods. You might imagine that it would be impossible for someone so outside the law to secure enough votes to get inside the tent and start to make the law. But you only have to look at the USA to appreciate that a bag of hammers the electorate will exercise their democratic rights while fully embracing irony.

And you don't have to travel across the Atlantic for examples. Michael Lowry, former Minister for Communications and former Chair of the Fine Gael parliamentary party has been consistently returned to the Dáil, as an independent, by the plain people of Tipperary North since he was drummed out of the FG party in 1996. In Thurles tax-evasion, fixing contracts, getting lavish gifts from the rich and owning race-horses is just fine and good on yer man. Many people in Ireland look to their TDs to fix their refused planning permission, their kid's place on a school bus, their place on the council housing list . . . and who better than one who successfully fixed the first roll out of mobile phone infrastructure in the country etc. etc.

Closer to home one of the 20 candidates on our ballot is "John O'Leary, of "Rossbrook", Kerry Pike, Co. Cork Businessman" which, fair enough, you don't have to be resident in the constituency to stand there. But O'Leary is on the ballot in Carlow-Kilkenny -- Cork E -- Cork NW -- Cork NC -- Cork SC -- Cork SW -- Kerry -- Wicklow. If you want to congratulate Mr O'Leary for putting one over on the man with his Count Binface jape going head to head with the current Taoiseach in Wicklow then send him a postcard T23 PK10? But I wish he hadn't cluttered my ballot with noise: it's enough to keep in my head a (quite long enough already) DO NOT VOTE list of misogynists, god-botherers, racists and haters, without adding numpties.