Rodents for larfs

I checked into the front page of RTE.ie a week ago and was given a surprisingly rich and varied array of Top Stories: scandal in a homeless charity; €500K anonymously gifted to schools in Cork; and the outfall fall-out of a report from the FSAI, the Food Safety Authority of Ireland. 

Of all the existential threats to global equanimity, hygiene failures in burger joints don't make my A-list. That's partly because the regulatory environment seems to work and a monthly report that fingers 16 perps across 26 counties (Glens Takeaway; Hearty Sunshine; Sizzlers; Grace’s Garden; Koffee and Kale; Café Sol; Osteria 99; Antonio's; Red Robin; Coolmine Shawarma; Polonez; Lord Lucan; Spar) is small enough that it's unlikely to catch me talking to the porcelain telephone. It's not my Polonez in New Ross [excellent fresh tomatoes; reliable fresh yeast], it's one in Walkinstown D12, for example. 

Then again, it might be that FSAI is so underfunded and the inspectors so overworked that they can't cover their patch effectively. But FSAI don't reveal their baseline - how many premises were inspected in September 2024 - so it is impossible to gauge whether 16 is a big number.

In 1998 we had a big knees-up to celebrate 25 years together and invited new neighbours and old friends from three continents. We decided to put together a short-list of nearby accommodation from fancy to hostel and send our guests a list. One of the neighbours did occasional B&B and The Beloved went to see what the available rooms looked like. While discussing costs on the upstairs landing, a mouse appeared behind the host's shoulder sauntering bold-as-you-like across the carpet between two of the recently viewed rooms. Similar unfortunate timing at FSAI: "a live rodent running across the floor of a food storage room" just when the inspector calls. Even though a single running case is an anecdote not data; it nevertheless gets you closed down - quite properly i.m.o.  Graphic images to add to the fun?: a "gnawed chocolate bar" in the food storage room and clear evidence of a rodent attack on a bag of rice. 

But many of the adverse events caught by FSAI are a tedious run of cafés, shops and take-outs being cavalier about basic levels of food safety hygiene: wash hand basins, soap, hot water; basic obvious cleaning; woeful ignorance about food safety culture. These are much more likely to cause the runs in clients than Speedy Gonzales whizzing through the pantry. Then again, if food premises can't get the in-plain-sight issues sorted, it's a strong indicator of failings at the invisible microbe level.

It's more than 10 years since I was channeling FSAI There's a Fly in my Soup and Now Wash Your Hands. It's time for another airing, so.