Exit strategy

eeeee when I were a nipper we had a TV (but not before 1960 - I guess the price came down and general adoption of The Box went up, so my folks caved to the new normal). It was pretty rough stuff: tiny screen, two channels, black-and-white; but it made a change from sniffing glue assembling Airfix models. One of the early game shows was Take Your Pick compered by Kiwi Talent Michael Miles. The deal involved contestants picking one from a number of unopened boxes each of which contained a prize [cash or stuff] - including 3/10  Booby Prizes. Having made the choice Mr Miles offered, as an alternative, increasing amounts of folding money.  The amusement was in the jeopardy of taking the [known quantity] of cash and so losing the chance at {picnic set | a cup of tea | mousetrap | washing-machine | Ford Anglia}. Nobody in the studio knew [so double-blind ✓✓] what was in any of the boxes but that didn't stop the studio audience roaring out "Take the Money" and/or "Open the Box".

I was reminded of this when I tried to wind up our existing wireless broadband with Three.ie, having sold my soul to the Vodafone comp'ny store at the end of July. There are 29 separate companies all jockeying to get their snouts in this government pork-barrel and we only went with Vodafone because our abutting neighbour had. The fibre connexion was duly installed and it seemed to work at least as well as our wireless; so all we needed to do was terminate our agreement with Three . . .The easiest way seemed to be engaging with the Three Support Bot

• Hi, we're having difficulties logging into our three account to manage the bill. Can you advise me on how to set up the online account? My account number is 30XXXXX70
• Three Support at 17:53, Aug 8 Please choose one of the following . . .
  

Eventually The Support Bot opened the gate to Agent Suraj D who got us part of the way. We marshalled the necessary data and logged in again. This time, after submitting all the data a second time. Agent Rakesh allowed us to establish our identity . . . until Conversation closed by you  at 18:27, Aug 8.

With our ducks in a row we dived in for the third time to meet Agent Priyanka

• You at 18:44, Aug 8: We've done our 18 months since 5th July and wish to cancel the account
• Priyanka at 18:57, Aug 8: May I know the reason you like to cancel the account?
• You at 18:58, Aug 8: We got rural fibre-optic broadband installed last week and sold out to Vodafone
• Priyanka at 18:59, Aug 8: Thanks for confirming
• Priyanka at 19:00, Aug 8: I see that you are on 3 Unlimited Broadband-18 Month plan and I have something for you
• Priyanka at 19:01, Aug 8: I can offer you the brand new broadband for Free on the 3 Broadband Unlimited plan with unlimited data
• Priyanka at 19:01, Aug 8: This is completely Free.
• Priyanka at 19:01, Aug 8: You can take it and can sell the current modem at a good price. Would you like to get it?
• You at 19:02, Aug 8: No thank you, my life is too complicated already.
• Priyanka at 19:06, Aug 8: I can offer you 2 months line rental for Free if you go on a 12 months contract for the same plan. Would you like to take it?
• You at 19:07, Aug 8: No thanks, Priyanka
• Priyanka at 19:08, Aug 8: I can offer you 1 months line rental for Free if you go on a 6 months contract for the same plan.
• You at 19:08, Aug 8: Nope, thanks for trying.
• Priyanka at 19:09, Aug 8: I can offer you €10 discount for 12 months if you take the plan for 12 months
• You at 19:10, Aug 8: Nope.
• Priyanka at 19:13, Aug 8: I can offer you SIMO deal which will be a rolling plan No contract
• You at 19:14, Aug 8: Nope, It's not health insurance. It's got to be simpler than this
• Priyanka at 19:15, Aug 8: I am checking cancellation details
• Priyanka at 19:15, Aug 8: The contract end date is 05/07/2023 00:00 If you wish to cancel the account then you will need to serve 30 days notice and the account will be cancel on 7th Sept, 2023 And you will get the final bill 14 days after the disconnection date
• Priyanka at 19:16, Aug 8: Shall I take the notice?
• You at 19:17, Aug 8: yes
• Priyanka at 19:18, Aug 8: We are very sorry to lose you as a customer right now, but we would love the opportunity to be able to welcome you back again sometime. Would you be happy for us to contact you in future with our latest deals, and fantastic offers? Rest assured any contact will be relevant to your account.
• Priyanka at 19:18, Aug 8: Would you be happy for us to contact you in future with our latest deals, and fantastic offers?
• You at 19:19, Aug 8: Please don't contact. But thank you personally for your help
• Priyanka at 19:19, Aug 8: Sure
• Priyanka at 19:19, Aug 8: Would you like to unlock your current modem?
• You at 19:20, Aug 8: What would that do?
• Priyanka at 19:20, Aug 8: You can use any SIM in the modem. Or can sell it
• Priyanka at 19:21, Aug 8: I've taken the 30 days notice on the account and the account will be cancel on 7th Sept, 2023
• You at 19:21, Aug 8: okay, then yes please
• Priyanka at 19:21, Aug 8: Would you like to unlock your current modem?
• Priyanka at 19:22, Aug 8: I've placed the unlocking for you and within next 2 working days you will get an update on the unlocking via email
• Priyanka at 19:22, Aug 8: I appreciate your understanding and patience in this matter, Bob.😊
• Priyanka at 19:22, Aug 8: Is that all for today?
• You at 19:23, Aug 8: yes, thank you and good night . . . morning!
• Priyanka at 19:23, Aug 8: You're most welcome. Bob. Have a great day ahead. 😊
• Conversation closed by the agent  at 19:23, Aug 8: 

Working on the assumption that my time is worth €51.40/hr [as it was when I was doing off-contract teaching]. It cost me €76.60 [=~ two months internet] just to close the account. With all the options and offers that become available if you just keep saying "No Thanks You Mr Miles, I'll open the box", it might be worth it to negotiate each contract. But to engage in a fully comprehensive research plan to get the Best Deal, you need a working week - 29 potential suppliers each with their Sales Bots x 1½ hours - to obtain all the Best Offer details.