Wednesday, 30 June 2021

How they brought to schwa to Carlə

I sprang to the stirrup, and Dau.II, and she;
I galloped, Dau.I galloped, we galloped all three;
‘Good speed!'’ cried The Belov'd, as the gate-bolts andrew;
‘Speed!’ echoed the wall to us galloping through;
Behind shut the postern, the ewes sank to rest,
And into the daylight we galloped on quest.

Apols to Robert "Ghent to Aix" Browning

Whither gallop, me bold questers?

To The Fermentary ! next our new Post Office at the top of the one street of Borris:

Who knows how, when and where entrepreneurs take the plunge and sink their all into a new venture? I've been making annual cratefuls of marmalade for 20 years now, everyone loves it, a pot makes the perfect gift. Nobody has a bad word to say about the flapjacks either. I would never $ell the stuff, though - I just don't have the marketing and distribution chops: I'd have to scale up to satisfy demand; the kitchen would reek of Olde Seville; and I'd have contact burns all up my arms. Let's leave it at makes the perfect gift . . . perhaps with a small packet of flapjacks mit.

The Fermentary launched its retail outlet on the first weekend of June 2021. They might have had a slight failure in local marketing, because we heard about the event, after the event, from Dau.II in Cork. She's the foodie in the family, so hears the faintest distant drums of comestibility: cheese or cakes; charcuterie or . . . croissants. The next weekend, she came across the country, following her nose, to see if the product was good. The weekend after that, her sister Dau.I came down from Dublin. On dit que it was because my birthday went down during the week between these visits but good croissants have an irresistible pull to those who've ever had one. Or read the book!  

The Fermentary is an offshoot of The Plúr Bakery in Newtown Co CW where the gaffer is James Jordan. They've been making sourdough and other fermentables for a while now and selling it at the Saturday Foodie Market in Kilkenny. There's a linguist in the batter there because their signage has a schwa for the untrilled first syllable Fə'mɛntary and an {IPA 303} for the second syllable. Me, I really like their aux amandes - good to the last crumb but the reg'lar croissants are great and they do a crusty, aery, tasty sourdough loaf. A batterie de kombucha is available on tap if you like your ferments by the glass. They open at 0800hrs Fr Sa Su and when the croissants are gone, they're gone, so get there early prepared to queue. Chocolatine? Pain au chocolate?

Well now, I've had a great many fine examples of  Viennoiserie this month and intend to spend my carbon credits supporting this local business every possible weekend until I burst or they go bust (which heaven forfend).

Monday, 28 June 2021

100 focal

 Listicles! How long is your attention span? If you're on Buzzfeed it will be 10 lol cat fails that make you fart or 25 ways to impress your boss's boss. Then there's meta-lists. QI expects greater stamina: I wrote about 1339 [2013] and 1441 [2014] but you'll have to hunt up books 1234, 1342, 1423, 2024 yourself. For academic-adjacent books 100 is a nice round number. A History of the World in 100 Objects by Neil MacGregor director of the British Museum was a magisterial romp through the BM collections giving context to each thing. Fintan O'Toole and the Irish Times had to clag up a derivative parity-of-esteem listarip-off  A History of Ireland in 100 Objects. Likewise, the linguist David Crystal compiled The Story of English in 100 Words in 2011 so the Royal Irish Academy RIA must contract for A history of Ireland in 100 words by Sharon Arbuthnot, Máire Ní Mhaonaigh, Gregory Toner, illustrated by Joe McLaren (St Brigid's Day 2019). Does that not show a certain want of imagination?

This endeavour passed me by entirely when published although I am exactly the demographic to buy a few copies for my gaeilgeoir pals. It took a flag from my cousin Trevor in NZ, who is a puzzle-cracking comparative linguist in his own right. I acted on that faisnéis and quickly located a copy, on a shelf, in Btown library. We were still a bit lockdowned at the time, but the librarian left the book outside on the TBC table, in a canvas bag, with my name on it. I get to keep the bag! Must do that more often.

And the book? It's fine, if a bit A camel is a horse designed by a committee (probably coined by Alec "Mini" Issigonis). MacGregor and Crystal wrote books with an internal coherence and one scholar's concentrated vision. The Irish me-too books are fuzzier and less focused because they are trying to please too many people. But ignore my snippy carping, if language is your beef, 100 Words will leave you well fed. 

What they've done is pick their 100 words, presumably leaving many on the cutting room floor, and gathered them into 13 bins like Writing and Literature, Technology and Science, Food and Feasting. I was surprised and little bit smug to note how many of these Irish words I knew despite níl focal Gaeilge ina phluc because I went to school in England. 

So the Science & Tech words? 

  • Cló [form, shape, appearance], 
  • Long [ship], 
  • Fuinneog [window], 
  • Gloine [glass], 
  • Fadhb [problem], 
  • Sníomh [spinning], 
  • Caistél [fort], 
  • Clog [clock], 
  • Ríomhaire [computer], 
  • Réalt [star] 
Some of these and their essays aren't notably techy imho but maybe it was a case of a must-have word needing a bed somewhere in the book. Clog got me a bit all riled up. There is a backdrop of discourse here in Ireland which tries to deny that we ever got anything from The English except oppression and taxes. So under Clog: " The Modern Irish for 'clock' therefore, was originally the word for 'bell' and not borrowed from the English "clock" as might be assumed". But that's the origin of [English] 'clock' as well! So both languages have have a common root word. There's at least one other example of similarly tendentious explanation. harrrumph! The irony here is that the whole concept of the book is lifted from an earlier example in English written by someone educated in England . . . although born in Lisburn <huzzah!>.

Sunday, 27 June 2021

Last June 2021

Today - the Feast of St Sampson the Hospitable

Friday, 25 June 2021

Health is broke

It's four years since I read and reviewed The Way We Die Now: The View from Medicine's Front Line (2017) by Seamus O'Mahony. That was essentially a reflection on how medical hubris had deluded people that they were going to live forever. That assumption may be uppermost in your 19 y.o. 'mind' when you launch your body off a cliff-face paragliding, base-jumping or mountain biking; at 79? not so much. The actuarial odds; your slowed reaction times; the leaching of calcium from your bones; the feebleness of your immune response; all these are stacked against you at 79. O'Mahony is six years younger than me but he retired in 2o2o just as soon as his pension enabled him to do so. His Death Book made him realise that he could do better with his literary talents than writing coherent case-notes and the endless reports required of him as a latter-day health bureaucrat aka consultant gastroenterologist.

I say latter-day, not because O'Mahony is a Mormon but because in his former days (when he was in live forever mode) he and his medical professional colleagues had considerable autonomy, not to mention privilege. For about 100 years, more or less bracketting the 20thC, doctors had become gods with the power of life and death. Aseptic technique and antibiotics had a lot to do with this power. But knowing when and where to apply the levers of medicine was built up through experience; and experience built up through insane hours on the wards, in theatre or seeing a lot of sick people in clinics. Then it all turned sour: sleep-deprived doctors made too many poor decisions with obvious adverse outcomes for patients. Families refused to defer to the actual doctor in Cork, when Dr Kildare was saying something different, and far more optimistic / godlike on the telly. Dr Google only added the last nails to the coffin of medical unaccountability and that only in the 21stC.

Since I was given a smart-phone in 2019 I've been downloading audiobooks from Borrowbox. When I saw another book by O'Mahony Can Medicine Be Cured?: The Corruption of a Profession (2019), I failed to read the small print and downloaded an e-book rather than an a-book. Different medium, and not accessible when driving or walking, but readable nevertheless. When that was finished, I immediately downloaded his third unpicking of the tapestry of modern medicine The Ministry of Bodies: Life and death in a modern hospital. One anonymous reviewer called him a physician-poet, which would have pleased him mightily because William Carlos Williams of the red wheelbarrow was another such.

In the same way that The Blob refers to The Institute as my quondam place of work, O'Mahony's last gig in Cork University Hospital is lightly fictionalised as The Ministry. He retired last year because he'd done enough. Most of us couldn't work in a hospital for 20 minutes, let alone 20 years of being shouted at by those in hopeless pain and treated as an interchangeable cipher by managers and auditors in comfy offices: "we need X+1 effectives on the roster this weekend, can't you postpone your daughter's wedding?" And ever and always, despite the rhetoric from head office, the patients are last on the list whose requirements must be met. 
  • Problem: Bad headline about people stacked like cordwood on trolleys spilling out along the corridors from A&E
  • Solution: Minister announces firm new targets for allowable wait-times; managers bully doctors into clearing beds in the wards
  • Consequence: often no action because there is no infrastructure [nursing homes, district nurses, home-helps] to support folks who are still frail but no long need an acute bed.
Never enough joinedy-up thinking. Too much bean counting.
  • Problem: Stroke
  • Solution: The Man sets targets for reducing the incidence of clots with the blood-thinner heparin
  • Consequence: every patient is routinely heparinised on admission which makes them ineligible for surgery lest they bleed out.
The very best doctors see the whole patient, not a clatter of ¿fixable? symptoms. Regular doctors just add more meds to the list, already too long, of brightly coloured pills that appears with breakfast. And according to these books, consultants engage in a perpetual internecine feud: refusing to accept difficult cross-discipline patients on their books. An elderly lady who has broken a hip because she fainted in the kitchen is neither cardiac nor orthopedic.

O'Mahony's special tetchiness is reserved for speech and language therapists. Mission creep has allowed this discipline to own choking and swallowing. Woe betide the doctor who has a weekend's leave and comes back to find half their ward sporting nasogastric feeding tubes because the junior doctors were unable to withstand the monomaniacal certainties of the SLTs. If you are really frail having the discomfort [abdominal cramping/swelling; diarrhea; nausea; vomiting/reflux; perforation, pneumothorax . . . I could go on] and disempowerment of a NFT makes your hospital stay decidedly crappier. Note to my adult kids: I can imagine worse ways to go than choking to death on one last meatball. The holistic existential irony is that, if your child stammers, the waiting list for a qualified speech and language therapist can be years rather than weeks.

Wednesday, 23 June 2021

On the wagon.

I've just finished audiobooking The Accidental Soberista: Discover the unexpected bliss of an alcohol-free life by Kate Gunn, well read by Caroline Lennon. Kate Gunn plunged like a duck to water into the post-dotcom internet bloggin' and blaggin' her way into the corporate world. She had the digital chops to help Capital show its shiniest face to the world. Good for her, I was there but lacked the imagination and the chutzpah to do the same thing. I started bloggin' just as it became old hat and influencers went Insta. Indeed I'd never 'eard of Kate Gunn before I saw her book on Borrowbox. But we have in common a tendency to over-share in our respective media. In 2019 Gunn published a book Untying the Knot about the dissolution of her marriage.

The Accidental Soberista is another confessional. Her post-wed partner Aodhán was medically advised to give the booze a rest, and Gunn elected to go along for the ride out of a sense of solidarity - and, I guess, curiosity. A significant support for the transition was the One Year No Beer campaign, which maps out some standard operating procedures for 30-day and 90-day modules of sobriety. If you can stay on the wagon for 3 months, you can probably do it forever. The argument is that it is possible to separate fun from alcohol and still have a social life, even in pubs, without feeling bleh the following day - Erdinger is your friend. You may need new friends as the sclera of your eyes return to the bright white of childhood because folks are not funnier when drunk . . . unless hilarious is synonymous with repetitive and boundariless. 

The Accidental Soberista is polemical. With the ardour of the convert, Gunn wants to share her joy with everyone; which is captured quite cleverly by her book's cover design [above L]: emptying the wine-glass reveals a new world of clear head, clear skies, sunshine and fluffiness. But I think she and her editor have made a strategic error by emphasising her post-booze sporting triumphs. Successfully training for and completing a competitive marathon and a competitive triathlon is frankly unattainable for most people in the bar on any Saturday night. Humble-bragging about these achievements just makes it easier for Joe Boozer to flip her off as That Wagon Wagon and relegate sobriety to a winning-the-lotto fantasy.

I was on the wagon for the whole of 2012. Up to and including 2011, we had been in the habit of glugging down 2-3 bottles of plonk a week. That wasn't hang-over territory, although it defo required a designated driver if we were going out. At the beginning of 2012, the post-crash tide drained out of scientific funding and I was contracted down to one day a week of paid science-work. Time rich but cash poor. Three bottles of wine @ €7 is (7 x 3 x 52) €1,000 a year which was more or less what I was pulling in each month as a Senior Scientist. So I stopped consuming alcohol. It was a commercial decision and I didn't miss it. Years earlier I had, with the intelligence of a lab rat, made the connection between having four pints in a session and feeling like the armpit of Beelzebub the next day . . . so I never consumed 4 pints. Except when I did. Those instances were always when two pints drained my sense of judgement  enough to take a third and then peer-pressure and the round of the generous hand delivered #4 to the table and I (now well buzzy in the head) lacked the will to let it go to waste. Maybe other folks'' hang-overs are different but I can't imagine embracing a life where I reliably feel wretched every weekend morning.

The Accidental Soberista is only 3 pints at Kennys or €0.00 on Borrowbox. It prattles along in a chatty and informative style and presents some quite sobering stats about the costs of alcohol in Ireland - malaise, road-traffic accidents, mental health, cirrhosis. Running a feckin' marathon is entirely optional but for you the cost-benefit equation might be food for thought? 

Tuesday, 22 June 2021

The Wright Stuff

 

You probably have people in your life whom you know slightly but reliably. It's like you were besties in a previous existence because you know that they will (just ask) lend you a tenner, offer an emergency couch to your cousin, or write a letter of recommendation. For me that was Frank Wright, who died after a long illness in December last year [Scotsman Obit -- Workobit]. I only heard the news last Friday from Des "Cetartiodactyl" Higgins. I was speaking to Des to assure myself that he was still with us after he was able to attend his own wake with a twitter-storm of valedictory good wishes. The three of us Des, Frank and Bob, were all closely associated co-authors with my first binfo boss Paul Sharp who has done well for himself.

I used to meet up with Frank on the conference circuit in the early 90s. In 1991 he arrived a day early for a Genetics Society meeting in Dublin and we spent the morning chattin' away while assembling name-badges and conference-packs for the delegates [Above L]. He could have gone out for a bit of tourism but he preferred to be useful . . . because Frank. The following year, we both rocked up to a MSAMB [Mathematical and Statistical Aspects of Molecular Biology] meeting in London. We were catching up at the drinks before the conference dinner when he abruptly stopped to reveal a cunning plan to secure seats at the same table as John Maynard Smith who was like a god in that niche area of science. Frank, who had clearly done his assertiveness training, steered me into the wake of JMS and elbowed aside better mannered more senior scientists who also wanted to hob-nob with the great man. At the dinner the craic was mighty. I knew I had a photo of Frank, and in the same bin I found a picture, probably from the 1991 TCD conference, of John Maynard Smith being profound with Paul Sharp [below R].

The year after that I was able to return the favour because I was on [INCBI] expenses at another molecular evolution conference, but Frank was between jobs. Although he had scraped together the train fare to the conference venue, he didn't have a hotel room booked. Not a bother on him, he asked if he could bunk down in my room. Which was fine because we both got mildly hammered at the afters party. Frank secured a free breakfast the next morning on my coat-tails.

What we had in common is that we were both "infrastructure guys": making it easier for other people to do science. While Frank was nippy in getting the best seats at a dinner he would never gouge someone scientifically out a sense of ambition for himself. Rather he was careful, reliable, helpful and generous with his time regardless of whether his good deeds would further his career. There will be many people in Scotland who miss him more that I do. 

Sunday, 20 June 2021

father's day 2021

Today's the day when Dads get slippers from their kids. Turns out that the crate of beer I opened on Thursday was meant for Father's Day. It's okay there's still some left

The cake [R] was definitely for my birthday. I've written before comparing the simply delicious, minimum ingredients, Victoria sponge with shop bought cake. By request, the 2021 bday cake was filled with whipped cream and strawberry jam. Note to self and cook next year: cake with candles is fine, cake dusted with icing sugar is fine together they make a Woody Allen moment but at least we didn't have a >!WHOOMMMPH!< moment.